Why Wait?

Jamie Lynn Spears have always wanted to be like her older sister. But it took Britney over 8 years to become the huge, huge success that she is right now. She became famous for her music and anti-premarital sex propaganda, but soon gave up on that, dated Justin Timberlake, married Kevin Federline, had two kids, divorced, and now she is a single mom (if she ever gets her kids back) at the age of 25.
Jamie Lynn didn't want to do all that, so she had unprotected sex with her boyfriend, broke up with him and now she is famous, single, pregnant and only 16. Mission accomplished.
According to new rumors, the father might not be the ex-boyfriend, but a producer of Jamie Lynn's TV show "Zoey 101". Or the whole crew. Or a grizzly bear.
The executives on Disney channel are now planning a sex-education program for teenager.
It will go something like this: pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears will come out and say "Hi kids, always use protection", then Mel Gibson will come out and say "Hi kids, don't drink and drive and don't hate people for their nationality" and then Michael Jackson will come out and say "Hi, kids...". (That wasn't very nice of me. I love him).
Meanwhile, Britney is going out with a paparazzi photographer. He sure is going to get a piece of her. I think this the first time a paparazzi is dating a celebrity in order to get make some photos of her. It's like going swimming with a shark and then punching it in the face.

More Is Not Enough

Britney Spears was supposed to take the first place on the Billboard Albums chart, like she'd always done before. A week ago all the predictions said that Britney's new album, "Blackout", would be at No. 1 this week. But the legendary Eagles with their comeback album, "Long Road Out Of Eden", swooped out of nowhere and snatched the top of the chart out of Britney's hands, just like K-Fed did with her kids.
At No. 7, a new album by the Backstreet Boys, who apparently still exist and still make unnecessary music for no visible reason.

August Rush is by far the best movie of the year. It's about time for a musical family drama to get into my favorites list. The amazing soundtrack includes some classical pieces, one of them performed by the leading actress Keri Russel on cello, and new songs performed by the leading actor Jonathan Rhys Myers. Robin Williams also gives another memorable performance as an evil Bono.
The movie has a huge heart and a potential to become a box office hit and critics favorite. Check it out!

Save a Whale, Save the World

Hayden Panettiere seems to be everywhere these days with her big head and unproportionally small body, being nice and helpful. That's not like Hollywood behavior at all! She should stop. Meanwhile, she attended some dolphins and whales event in Japan, which basically involved her running around in a bikini. I don't think that's fair. Dolphins and whales probably don't care whether she's wearing a bikini or not. They don't even know there's an event being thrown just for them and their survival. Speaking about whales, Britney Spears is in trouble and needs help. Hayden is a big fan of Britney's, why not save her instead of dolphins?

Celebrities love pretending to be somebody else. Since they don't get to do that on their daily jobs, Halloween is just the perfect holiday for them. Teri Hatcher here, God bless her, dressed up as the queen from Alice in Wonderland, but rather looks like a drag queen.

Paris Hilton shocked everyone again when she got dressed like a slut, two times, or was she just going out? Her dress says "Alice", so I guess it IS a costume.

On a totally unrelated note, this is not a Pamela Anderson costume Halle Berry wearing. I know it looks like she got dressed up as boobs, but she didn't. Pregnancy really makes her look... smart.

Life Is A Porn Soap For Pamela

"Many people say that Pamela Anderson would be nothing without her boobs. That's just not true. She'd be Paris Hilton".
The above pearl of wisdom from over two years ago belongs to Sarah Silverman. Last Saturday Pamela Anderson actually became Paris Hilton a little more when she married Rick Salomon, the director and the male lead of "One Night in Paris". Unfortunately for Rick, Pamela already has a sex tape on her own. More bad news for Rick: After closely watching both of the movies, I can honestly conclude that Tommy Lee is a better director, cinematographer, performer and he also casted a better looking actress (which is what really matters in porn) than Rick. Some good news for Rick: he is married to Pamela Anderson, which is a big improvement, to be more precise, D-Cup improvement despite his last actress.. More bad news for Rick: she's getting old and will probably divorce him soon for someone even more talentless, maybe Kevin Federline. Good news for Pamela: her second home video will hit the stores very soon.

Priceless!!!

Paris Hilton came to David Letterman's show to promote her new perfume, clothing line, movie, bla bla. But Mr. Letterman, who is now my new hero, had other plans for her. For the first 6 out of 8 minutes of the interview he humiliated her with questions and remarks about her jail time, with the audience cheering and encouraging him to go on. I think these were the longest 6 minutes of her life. Even in jail time went faster for her. After 4 minutes she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore, but Dave wouldn't shut up: "See, that's where we are so different. This is the only thing I want to talk about!". Paris got upset and angry, as the interview didn't go the way she planned it. I honestly thought she was going to break and start stomping her hobbit feet on the ground. I was almost right. Paris tried to smile and look indifferent, but as we all know she's a bad actress. She started looking around and wiggling her leg back and forth and finally made a sad puppy face that made Dave stop and drink the perfume she brought (that's right!). David Letterman clearly dislikes Paris Hilton very much and couldn't suppress his feeling this time, and for that we love him.
P.S: Check out Dave's reaction to a guy who screams "I love you, Paris" from the crowd. Pure classic!

Sociopathic Social Climber

When I first saw pictures of Paris Hilton climbing a fence few days ago, I thought they were taken in her pre-jail life. This can't be true, I said, Paris is a good girl now, she doesn't drink, doesn't go out and reads The Bible every day, just like her publicists told her to. But now I am just as shocked as every one of you - this is Paris actually climbing the gate of her house earlier this week. Did she forget her keys? Is she no longer welcome in her own house? Does she miss climbing bars and walls in jail? Are her Spidey senses tickling? No, no, no and no! She is just drunk, which means she came back to herself. What does Jesus say about that?

Last night's Emmy Awards weren't exactly fair, but looking at Katherine Heigl from Grey's Anatomy with her award for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, or even without it, makes me forget everything else. Judging by her hilarious reaction at the win, she was pleasantly surprised, too.
The biggest surprise of the night was 30Rock winning Best Comedy Series award. I really like Tina Fey and think that she's the funniest woman in the business, but I also know that 30Rock weren't that funny and much worse that The Office, that didn't win anything.
Terry O'Quinn finally got the award he deserved after three long years on Lost. The Sopranos won for Best Drama Series, America Ferrera won Best Actress in Comedy for Ugly Betty, James Spader won Best Actor in Drama for Boston Legal. Britney didn't perform this time, but pregnant Christina did.

Some more pics of Katherine Heigl and one of Sarah Chalke here looking cute.

The Burden Of Intelligence

Last night I finally went to see Inland Empire, the latest movie by David Lynch. I can't be thankful enough for my angelic patience that showed itself once again during this 180-minute-long delusion. Being a long time Lynch fan, I knew exactly what to expect and how to deal with the movie, which, apparently, a big part of the audience didn't. Little teenage girls and elderly couples walked out every 5 minutes. That screening sure produced some angry people. The rest of them, around 100 people whom I call quality audience (or at least those who weren't sleeping), stayed until after the credits and applauded. I will have to get another go at it, to understand and evaluate.

Britney is the Best Performer in the World

2000:

2002:

2003:

2004:

2007:
The whole world waited for this moment. This was supposed to be the night when Britney Spears made her comeback at the VMAs after three years of making babies and shaving every part of her body. Instead, she could barely move on stage, looked fat in whatever she was wearing and didn't even bother to sing along with the playback. Rihanna performed later with broken foot, and did much better then Britney.
The comeback is ruined. What a shock! I doubt Britney will ever have another number one hit. She has better chances at getting her virginity back and actually keeping it this time. Just like Sarah Silverman said in her unnecessary opening monologue, "by the age of 25 Britney already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life", and then she poked more fun at Britney and her kids and made an impression of Britney's vagina with her mouth. She also apologized to Paris Hilton for her awesome joke at MTV Movie Awards earlier this year. I think the apology was totally uncalled for. That stupid criminal porn star deserves to be made fun of.
Other than that, the VMAs sucked this year, more than any other year. I didn't really understand what was going on there with all the performances and parties at different locations. They put Maroon 5 on a balcony to perform and then cut to commercials in the middle of the song. Uncool!
Other notable events: Justin Timberlake and Timbaland dominated the night on every possible aspect; Kanye West got upset again for not winning anything; Kid Rock and Tommy Lee, both Pamela's exes, got into a fight with each other; Shia LaBeouf revealed the title of the new Indiana Jones movie; Jamie Fox couldn't shut up; Rihanna won Best Song and Video awards for Umbrella ella ella eh eh eh...

Jewish Sperm Is The Best

A couple like this can only happen in a movie, an American movie. In Knocked Up, a jewish loser guy, played by Seth Rogan who looks like Shrek, hooks up with and impregnates a very hot blond girl, played by the dreamy Katherine Heigl from Grey's Anatomy.
It looks like Heigl is getting typecast in roles where she sleeps with guys who look bad. Maybe she's doing it for charity. Maybe not. In Grey's Anatomy her current love interest is T.R. Knight, who is gay in his real life and looks like a teenage hobbit. It's like Elisha Cuthbert will always get captured and tortured in any movie she makes, or Ben Stiller will always play an idiot.

Bourne Ultimatum Is Awesome

As far as Hollywood sequels go, they rarely have any quality about them, mostly done for more money. Bourne Ultimatum succeeds in both. It's the best movie in the trilogy, and grossed tons of money. It's also the best action thriller of the year. I literally couldn't blink or move during most parts of the movie. Matt Damon and his stunt man are great as Jason Bourne. This guy is very cool and kicks some serious ass in the movie. And who could have thought Julia Stiles can look like Franka Potente?!

Grey Matters

After a pretty weak season and a great great finale (what can be better that a ruined wedding?), Grey's Anatomy is coming back next season as two separate shows. I have a strong feeling one of them will be cancelled by the end of the season. Private Practice, the spin-off for Kate Walsh's character, makes an impression of a show about nothing. The only interesting actress on the show besides Walsh, Merrin Dungey, who used to be on Alias, got fired because of "lack of chemistry". Like I said, this show is doomed.
As for Grey's Anatomy itself, some major changes are going to take place. In a stupid move by the producers, Isaiah Washington got fired for homophobic remarks he made towards T.R. Knight. All of the rest are staying, alone with their problems and each other. Meredith and Derek will continue having relationship problems (why can't these two just be together?). To help them separate, there is Meredith's sister, who appeared in the season finale and is played by Chyler Leigh, the leading chick from Not Another Teen Movie. Man, those Greys just keep on coming!

Britney Destroys Her Career, Again

How stupid is Britney Spears nowadays? Lets see: she dated Kevin Federline, she married the loser and had two kids with him, she let her kid drive a car, she divorced Kevin Federline, she went out with Paris Hilton and didn't bother to wear any underwear so that the whole world could see her vagina, she shaved her head bald to match her vagina, she attacked a photographer, she got drunk and molested some guys, she attacked another photographer, she got drunk again, and the beat goes on...
Now Britney is trying to make a comeback and recreate some of the success she'd had when she was still innocent and pure. Her ex-boyfriend and now the enormously successful pop singer, Justin Timberlake, wrote a song for both of them to sing in a duet, and the track was supposed to be produced by Timbaland, the hottest producer in the business. That song would've become a huge hit even before getting released. But Britney canceled the recording at the last minute.

Lost in DUI

Bill Murray got arrested for drunk driving in a golf cart in Stockholm last Sunday.
The 56-year-old Hollywood star admitted driving under the influence, but the origin of the golf cart remains unknown.
That's sweet, Bill Murray trying to act like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton to get some attention. Dude, you are 56! I have great respect for this guy, but this incident is a huge blow to his reputation. And he doesn't do it right anyway - getting arrested for DUI while driving a golf cart is lame. He should've driven a car and maybe get involved in an accident. That's where the big money is!

Harry Potter - The End

I thought that if I distanced myself from Internet gossip, I would be able to read through Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows without getting exposed to spoilers. I was wrong. Spoilers are everywhere. Even taking the bus, let alone talking to people, became too dangerous for me. Of course some of the plot twists eventually caught my naked ear and shot right through into my conscience, making me angry at myself for not wearing earplugs.
Now that the last book is over, I feel incredibly liberated. Now, I can spoil it for those still reading...

Paris Hilton Is A Hotel In Paris

Paris Hilton, the highly socialized tramp, officially became nobody after her grandfather cut her from his will. Her share of the money is going to be donated. The reason for the cut is Paris's bad behavior in the past 25 years, which includes drinking, wild partying, a sex tape, bad movies, stolen nude photos, bad music, another sex tape, DUI and jail - basically just being herself.
This guy is a genius. He should get a Nobel Prize for this. Now she's actually going to have to work. As she can't really do anything else properly, I think we should expect another homemade sex tape very soon. I can already imagine her living in a cheap hotel or a trailer and eating junk food, thinking about the 60 million she'd lost.

UPDATE: What a surprise! As I was talking presumptions about her future, another Paris' home video surfaced on the Internet. Is this girl ever going to stop? Her pictures wearing clothes will soon become rare collectibles.

Beware!!!

The Spice Girls have reunited once again. They're out there and they won't rest until their new songs come out of your nose and ears.
I'm actually old enough to remember the last time the Spice Girls were at large, and still trying to forget some of their songs.

Watts That?

I realize that King Kong was created with CG and that Naomi Watts is not Ann Darrow in her real life, but it looks like Naomi is carrying Kong's child. That's the only explanation left for her being so enormously big, even for a pregnant woman. The other explanation is impossible, as I know for sure that this is not my baby.
We'll see what will come of it... I mean, her.

Some good news for Harry Potter fans - the rumor has it that Naomi will star in The Half Blood Prince, as Narcissa Malfoy. I'll be very happy if that's true.

Is It My Birthday Already?

Jessica Alba is finally single after breaking up with her bf in the past two years, Cash Warren. That's good news for me, as I was going to ask Jessica out, but didn't know how Warren would react.
The formerly happy couple can be seen in the picture above, doing... something. Actually, none of them can be seen in the picture, just body parts and unnecessary hands of the boyfriend that are no longer there.

Books Killed The Movie

Releasing a Harry Potter movie one week before the release of the last book in the Harry Potter series turned out to be a mistake. Having earned around 300 million dollars worldwide in the first five days, Order Of The Phoenix came second at the US Box Office, earning "just" 32 million. Most of the potential moviegoers are too busy now reading the new book, or still standing in lines to buy one.
At number one this week - I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, another magical fairytale from Adam Sandler, about two straight guys who pretend to be gay and getting married. Pure classic! At number three - the musical Hairspray with John Travolta as a woman. Who needs magic after that?

J.K.Rowling is Unemployed, Rich

The final Harry Potter book came out today. As usual, I'm not going to be one of those idiots who read the ending and put spoilers everywhere. The Internet will be probably flooded by those. I better avoid them myself, they ruined the last two books for me. I don't want to know who dies in the end! I got my copy just an hour ago! It's too young to get "spoiled"! Maybe I shouldn't be here right now. I should probably disable my network connection until after I finish reading the book, all of the 759 pages.
I just finished reading The Alchemist. That was really light and deep at the same time! And the good part is that nobody tried to spoil it for me. Same with The Kite Runner.
What can I say, my fellow HP readers, Good Night and Good Luck! May the mystery of the book be preserved with you!

Davis Yates Screwed Up Harry Potter

So I went to see the movie everybody saw over the past week, Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix. It made a lot of money in just a few days and even set some new records in tickets selling. But that's not a big deal. Harry Potter movies will always sell loads of tickets, no matter how bad or good they are. I don't know who the director David Yates is, but whoever let him direct OotP is an idiot. IMDB's page of Half Blood Prince says that it will be also directed by Yates. That really sucks.
The movie was good at building the tension towards the final fight scene, where a major character (who happens to be my favorite) gets killed and many other interesting things happen. The fight scene itself was really bad. It was too short and clumsy. I couldn't understand half of it, ruined the movie for me.

A Cursed Movie

David Lynch is my favorite director. He's a real genius and a very cool and weird dude. I love this guy. His new movie, Inland Empire, was released a few months ago. I've been trying desperately to go see it, but something always got in my way.
Tonight there was supposed to be a screening of the movie at a movie theater I've never been to before. I did my best to finish in time all my tasks for the day, but was still running late. So I took a taxi to the movie theater and went in just a few moments before the movie began. But the movie that started wasn't Inland Empire, it was Akeelah And The Bee. Who wants to see a movie called Akeelah And The Bee instead of a David Lynch movie? Seriously?!
Apparently, there was some mix up with the movies. It took them half an hour to change the reel and start the movie. But that movie wasn't Inland Empire either! In fact, it was Akeelah And The Stupid Bee again! That made them realize they didn't have Inland Empire available and they gave us the money back.
A real bummer... Since when things like that happen?

Transformers Sucked

When Steven Spielberg first met Michael Bay to talk about the Transformers movie, he probably told him something like that:
"Son, use your mind and imagination, not just the money I give you. I know you can do better..."
and Michael Bay probably replied:
"Yes, Master."
and then he went and made this awful movie.
When will this guy learn?! Transformers looked exactly like any other of his movies. In one of the scenes, when the Transformers crash on earth and cause a minor panic on the streets, some kid yells: "This is easily a hundred times cooler than Armageddon... I swear to God!". WRONG!!! This is exactly as uncool as Armageddon.
The only good thing in the movie is Shia LaBeouf. This kid has got a great potential, can't wait to see him in Indiana Jones 4. His wing lady, Megan Fox, is the complete opposite. Who IS this chick anyway? Even though very hot, she has two face expressions at the very most. As usual for Bay's movie, a bunch of famous actors also star. Most of them, including the veterans Jon Voight and John Turturo, just make fun of themselves. And guess who's in it as the world's biggest hacker - it's Anthony Anderson. Really?!? This guy seems as stupid as a beer can, I'd be shocked if he could even turn a computer on. Go watch Die Hard 4 - the biggest hacker there is Kevin Smith. Now, THAT was really cool!
The Transformers themselves seem to be invisible. They just walk around the streets and nobody notices them! And nobody can hear them either. They walk around a quiet neighborhood, destroy houses and power lines, talk loud, shoot, turn into big noisy vehicles... but still go unnoticed. I wish this movie was as invisible as they are.