Celebrities love pretending to be somebody else. Since they don't get to do that on their daily jobs, Halloween is just the perfect holiday for them. Teri Hatcher here, God bless her, dressed up as the queen from Alice in Wonderland, but rather looks like a drag queen.

Paris Hilton shocked everyone again when she got dressed like a slut, two times, or was she just going out? Her dress says "Alice", so I guess it IS a costume.

On a totally unrelated note, this is not a Pamela Anderson costume Halle Berry wearing. I know it looks like she got dressed up as boobs, but she didn't. Pregnancy really makes her look... smart.

Life Is A Porn Soap For Pamela

"Many people say that Pamela Anderson would be nothing without her boobs. That's just not true. She'd be Paris Hilton".
The above pearl of wisdom from over two years ago belongs to Sarah Silverman. Last Saturday Pamela Anderson actually became Paris Hilton a little more when she married Rick Salomon, the director and the male lead of "One Night in Paris". Unfortunately for Rick, Pamela already has a sex tape on her own. More bad news for Rick: After closely watching both of the movies, I can honestly conclude that Tommy Lee is a better director, cinematographer, performer and he also casted a better looking actress (which is what really matters in porn) than Rick. Some good news for Rick: he is married to Pamela Anderson, which is a big improvement, to be more precise, D-Cup improvement despite his last actress.. More bad news for Rick: she's getting old and will probably divorce him soon for someone even more talentless, maybe Kevin Federline. Good news for Pamela: her second home video will hit the stores very soon.

Priceless!!!

Paris Hilton came to David Letterman's show to promote her new perfume, clothing line, movie, bla bla. But Mr. Letterman, who is now my new hero, had other plans for her. For the first 6 out of 8 minutes of the interview he humiliated her with questions and remarks about her jail time, with the audience cheering and encouraging him to go on. I think these were the longest 6 minutes of her life. Even in jail time went faster for her. After 4 minutes she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore, but Dave wouldn't shut up: "See, that's where we are so different. This is the only thing I want to talk about!". Paris got upset and angry, as the interview didn't go the way she planned it. I honestly thought she was going to break and start stomping her hobbit feet on the ground. I was almost right. Paris tried to smile and look indifferent, but as we all know she's a bad actress. She started looking around and wiggling her leg back and forth and finally made a sad puppy face that made Dave stop and drink the perfume she brought (that's right!). David Letterman clearly dislikes Paris Hilton very much and couldn't suppress his feeling this time, and for that we love him.
P.S: Check out Dave's reaction to a guy who screams "I love you, Paris" from the crowd. Pure classic!

Sociopathic Social Climber

When I first saw pictures of Paris Hilton climbing a fence few days ago, I thought they were taken in her pre-jail life. This can't be true, I said, Paris is a good girl now, she doesn't drink, doesn't go out and reads The Bible every day, just like her publicists told her to. But now I am just as shocked as every one of you - this is Paris actually climbing the gate of her house earlier this week. Did she forget her keys? Is she no longer welcome in her own house? Does she miss climbing bars and walls in jail? Are her Spidey senses tickling? No, no, no and no! She is just drunk, which means she came back to herself. What does Jesus say about that?

Britney is the Best Performer in the World

2000:

2002:

2003:

2004:

2007:
The whole world waited for this moment. This was supposed to be the night when Britney Spears made her comeback at the VMAs after three years of making babies and shaving every part of her body. Instead, she could barely move on stage, looked fat in whatever she was wearing and didn't even bother to sing along with the playback. Rihanna performed later with broken foot, and did much better then Britney.
The comeback is ruined. What a shock! I doubt Britney will ever have another number one hit. She has better chances at getting her virginity back and actually keeping it this time. Just like Sarah Silverman said in her unnecessary opening monologue, "by the age of 25 Britney already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life", and then she poked more fun at Britney and her kids and made an impression of Britney's vagina with her mouth. She also apologized to Paris Hilton for her awesome joke at MTV Movie Awards earlier this year. I think the apology was totally uncalled for. That stupid criminal porn star deserves to be made fun of.
Other than that, the VMAs sucked this year, more than any other year. I didn't really understand what was going on there with all the performances and parties at different locations. They put Maroon 5 on a balcony to perform and then cut to commercials in the middle of the song. Uncool!
Other notable events: Justin Timberlake and Timbaland dominated the night on every possible aspect; Kanye West got upset again for not winning anything; Kid Rock and Tommy Lee, both Pamela's exes, got into a fight with each other; Shia LaBeouf revealed the title of the new Indiana Jones movie; Jamie Fox couldn't shut up; Rihanna won Best Song and Video awards for Umbrella ella ella eh eh eh...

Paris Hilton Is A Hotel In Paris

Paris Hilton, the highly socialized tramp, officially became nobody after her grandfather cut her from his will. Her share of the money is going to be donated. The reason for the cut is Paris's bad behavior in the past 25 years, which includes drinking, wild partying, a sex tape, bad movies, stolen nude photos, bad music, another sex tape, DUI and jail - basically just being herself.
This guy is a genius. He should get a Nobel Prize for this. Now she's actually going to have to work. As she can't really do anything else properly, I think we should expect another homemade sex tape very soon. I can already imagine her living in a cheap hotel or a trailer and eating junk food, thinking about the 60 million she'd lost.

UPDATE: What a surprise! As I was talking presumptions about her future, another Paris' home video surfaced on the Internet. Is this girl ever going to stop? Her pictures wearing clothes will soon become rare collectibles.